


Reciprocity

by SunsetSwish



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Wings, Angst, Demon Deals, Fix-It of Sorts, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Permanent Injury, Post-Episode: s03e17 Heavenly Fire, Wingfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-01-16 02:09:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18511765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunsetSwish/pseuds/SunsetSwish
Summary: Alec realizes he can't give anything to Magnus if Magnus himself has to pay half the price again.Asmodeus realizes that it might be easier to get his son back if he just waits a little longer.





	1. Chapter 1

It's worse and worse. Everything is a mess, a prolonged chain of bad news and mistakes. The only relief is that Alec's brother is alive, free and no longer in danger from Lilith. That is, in no more danger than everyone else. The danger now is from Lilith's creation, Jonathan.

They've been spending a fair amount of time together, Alec and Magnus, and sleeping together every night but Alec wishes there was less weight of the world on them so they could stop, breathe, and think. Just so they could do more than have meals together, do more than even have sex. They need to figure out the magic problem but between Jonathan, the rune endangering Clary and the inside issues of Shadowhunter world, they don't have time to.

It was Alec's mistake to believe Magnus needs time. It's his mistake to believe his lover's words and his mask. Maybe time heals all but the amount of time needed is different for someone who's lived for hundreds of years. Now, Alec knows this and he knows he's not allowed to leave this alone, to let Magnus suffer because of him, because of them all.

He knows what he has to do.

 

He goes alone. He pays a warlock and goes alone.

 

This is where Magnus had gone for him, Alec thinks when he looks around a part of Edom for the first time in his life. The only time in his life. It's just what he could imagine but it's also worse because it's real and in front of his eyes. Not just in front of his eyes but it also touches his skin and the dry wind runs through his hair.

It is a hellscape with winged demons circling high, high above.

Alec's destination is clear: a building stands ahead of him, a dark ruin that scares away rather invites anyone. He walks. Red sky, red crumbling soil, the very air feels red in how it burns his lungs and scratches his skin, gets under his feathers. Alec would not dare fly here, not under these demons which for now ignore him but he knows they're aware of him.

He walks until he's inside, walking through a kind of a hall filled with candles and books. Red curtains cover nooks and crannies. Then, a pair of columns and a cracked arch create the entrance to what he could call a throne room. There, he finds Asmodeus.

The Greater Demon is standing a little to the side of the room, his eyes on a book that he's holding. A walking cane hangs hooked over his wrist.

He closes the book without hurry and it disappears into thin air. When he turns, his demon eyes make Alec gasp. Cat eyes.

"Alexander Lightwood," Asmodeus says lightly as if he's seeing a welcome, if unexpected, visitor. "It was a question I've asked myself: would you come here, too, or would my son return on his own."

"Then you've got your answer. I have a question I want to be answered, too."

"Well, since you've gone so far as to come here…" Asmodeus makes a wide gesture towards where Alec stands. "Let's hear the question."

"What do you want for Magnus's magic?"

"I'm disappointed. I was expecting something more interesting."

"Is this not interesting? Me, a Nephilim, asking what you want from me to give Magnus his magic back. You have your own, don't you?"

"Of course, but this is a world you don't know anything about, little mortal. You never have too much power if your throne is _always_ _wanted_."

Before Alec can press on, Asmodeus asks, "What if I demand your life force? What if I ask to kill you, right here?"

"I didn't come here to die," Alec says plainly. "I don't want to die, especially not for a demon but if that's what you ask, I will consider it."

Asmodeus smirks.

"It's not what I want to ask. It would not work for what I truly want. What I could get from your life is not worth the magic my son possessed."

Alec waits. He's not going to waste breath talking when the demon wants to play with him. He doesn't want to encourage him to taunt him more with mentioning what is Magnus's. When he hears a real offer, then he'll talk.

"Break his heart," Alec hears and his world stops. "End what you have, let him go. Let him go free of the attachment to you which brought him to where he is. That pitiful existence is beneath him."

Alec stands frozen.

"Magnus is losing things for you, giving them over because you and your kind need him, need his help. Always crying for more. I have a kingdom to give him and what do you have? Nothing. You only take."

It's the truth and the derision and bitterness in the demon's voice reflect the regret that fills Alec.

The Shadowhunter considers it and his insides twist… and he knows he can't. His heart and soul know it before his mind knows it but his mind catches up, too.

That's not the right price.

Taking something else from Magnus is not an option, not anymore, not by him. He knows Magnus loves him, he knows Magnus hasn't loved for a long time before this… And Alec isn't much, he's just a mortal, just one of many but even so, he knows he can't remove himself from Magnus's life. He couldn't bear to be another Camille haunting the memories of the warlock.

Their world has never been _happy_ but the thought of paying with their _love_ for magic would make it too bleak. It's too much and Alec can't bear the thought of it.

"No."

If there is a price, he has to be the one to pay it whole.

He waits after his 'no' to be sent away with nothing.

Asmodeus watches him.

"Maybe I have been too impatient. Maybe _you_ are, indeed, the best thing to happen at this time… The two of you, so ensnared in love's barbed wires…

I'll let him have it. I'll let my son have you for the few more years someone like you will live. And then, when you're gone and he realizes there won't be another fool like you waiting to be with him, _then_ he will come home."

Alec's heart pounds. Is this it? Will he get the magic back and get to be with Magnus?

"Your wings. Both of them and whole, you'll leave them here."

There it is. A true cost, something Alec can truly consider, something that he'll feel he's _paid_. Something of value. His wings. A manifestation of angelic blood and power, his own two limbs.

A second after Asmodeus speaks, Alec knows his answer.

"You'll give Magnus his magic back, all of it?"

"Yes, that is the deal. I've had a particular use for it but _your_ kind has made it _useless_. I'll put it back where it came from."

Alec nods. He acts calm while he's anything but. The room feels small all of a sudden as if the walls are closing in on him. These are his limbs, not his blood and soul like magic is. He's only had them for over twenty years, he can live another fifty without them.

He can give up flight to give Magnus portals back. Get his smile back.

"Fine. I agree. You'll have my wings and not kill me to take them."

Asmodeus waves his hand dismissively.

"Oh, do not worry. You'll live to regret it."

 

The pleased smile on the Greater's Demon face makes Alec sick.

 

There are demons behind him, he knows without turning. He understands what will happen next – Asmodeus won't take his wings by magic or cut them off himself.

Alec's hands shake. He remembers with perfect clarity how much it'd hurt when the Owl demon broke his wing before nearly killing him with his own arrow using Jace's body. Alec didn't even have the time to fully heal from that yet and now…

He's made his choice. He can be afraid, he can be terrified and still go through with it. Asmodeus can see it in his eyes. The demon smirks and then gives a sign to the creatures behind Alec.

They don't tear his wings out – that would have killed him – they leap, their teeth sinking into the joints closest to his back. Their claws go through the fabric of his clothes and into his skin when they latch onto him, pushing him to the ground with their weight and the force of their attack.

The instinct to protect himself chokes him but he can't do anything but scream and dig his fingers into the red dust filling this realm.

Demon teeth are sharp and numerous and it's over sooner than Alec expected but the time stops flowing logically for him when the only thing he can feel is pain and the sick lightness of his body. Blood runs down his back and sides to drop on the dust, the only moisture it's getting. He can only assume there's no venom flowing into his blood, as per the no-kill promise.

And then there's fire: on his wounds, burning his back, making it worse, so much worse…

His vision darkens from it but he doesn't lose consciousness.

"As I said, I won't have you die today, not while in here," Asmodeus says and the burning ends. With it, ended the bleeding.

His voice comes to Alec through a fog. Alec stays near the ground, on his knees, his hands red from the dirt. He's remembering how to breathe when it only causes more pain. The air of Edom isn't kind to him, either.

A tear and then another one drops down beside his fingers. He can't help it, he can't stop them.

It's over. He's done it, he's let it happen. The pain goes deeper than the cut, deeper than the burn. It's in his heart and lungs, it's in his soul. His eyes are wet.

He's just traded his wings… for _Magnus_ , he did it for Magnus and he'd do it again.

Asmodeus comes closer, the tip of his cane forces Alec to lift his head, to look up.

"It should make you happy I won't let them just rot," he says, indicating the wings, which Alec won't look at. He can't look at them where the demons discarded them on the ground. He can't leave this place with the sight of them stuck in his mind just to come back to him in nightmares.

"I'll have them in the place of honor behind my throne, forever," Asmodeus continues. "And when my son joins me to rule, be it twenty or two hundred years from now, they'll remind him of you."

Alec doesn't speak. There's nothing left to say. He's given his part and he has to believe Asmodeus will give his part, too. _Magnus's_ part.

"Goodbye, Alexander Lightwood. We won't be meeting again."

 

Return to the world nearly knocks Alec out. The change of air, of energy in it, of the magic – it's all jarring to his whole being. He doesn't know where he is. The location and time are a mystery to him that he isn't in the state to solve.

He only knows it's grass under him when he collapses.

 

The next time he comes to, almost, he's not alone. He jerks away from the touch, he doesn't want it. He wants to be alone.

Right now, he can't even find it in himself to want Magnus, not when he's raw and a mess. When Magnus lost his magic, he was still as beautiful as ever (which was part of the problem, that Alec ignored the depth of his pain for too long). Magnus was and is beautiful, graceful and all that Alec wants in his life.

Alec is… he's maimed, crippled, must be dirty and bloody. Worse than he'd been in that alley when Magnus came to save him and Jace.

Now, Alec wants to be alone until he can pick himself up, until he can move and walk and wash the blood off so he doesn't have to smell it anymore.

The hands on him briefly retreat before returning, gentle but firm and not going away this time. Voices, hurried, desperate, talking over each other reach his ears but he's not making any attempt to understand the words.

What if he reappeared in the middle of Mundane space? It's not like he can do anything about it.

No, they're not _voices_ , he was wrong, it's just the one singular voice.

"Alec. Alexander. Look at me."

And then, "Please, let me see those eyes. Come on."

It costs Alec something to do as asked but he's helpless to resist whatever Magnus asks of him. Magnus has always been his siren, the one call, the one _want_ Alec followed through.

It truly is Magnus beside him. Alec's on the ground, on the grass that he remembers. He's on his side now and Magnus is kneeling, his hand on Alec's face and his eyes are… his eyes are golden.

That sight alone is like a balm. Alec would like to smile but he can't and Magnus can't seem to, either.

"That's it, just stay with me, Alexander. You'll be all right, I promise. Stay with me."

At first, the magic hurts just because it touches him. It's the same magic as always, as he knows, oh so well. Magnus's magic, beautiful in its blue color. It hurts at first but even through his whimper Magnus continues to feed it into Alec's body until it doesn't hurt anymore and it helps instead.

"There we go."

Magnus's voice is strained, it's changed. Alec knows it's his fault, he knows it's because of his broken body.

A caress on Alec's cheek makes him want to open his eyes again, to see that face again. So he does.

Cat eyes look back at him and they're harder to read than human ones but Alec has learned to read them, all the same. Magnus is sad and scared, for him.

"Did you do this, Alec? Did you do this intentionally?" Magnus clarifies.

"For your magic. You've got it." His voice comes as a whisper even though he meant to say it louder.

"Yes, I've got it-" Magnus swallows a curse. He wants to call Alec names, call him a stupid Nephilim, _his_ stupid Nephilim, a self-sacrificing idiot who Magnus loves with his whole heart and more.

 

Magnus can take them out of there now that he knows Alec can be moved. He didn't dare before when he tracked him and found him… the still wet blood from his clothes dyed the grass around him wet and the remains of his wings, not even stumps, told all the story Magnus needed to know. The wounds were closed over intentionally and Magnus could guess what did that but he wouldn't be certain if not for the return of his magic.

From the second he felt it rush back into his body like a stretched rubber let free and returning to its shape, filing him with the warmth he's lived with since it first manifested, Magnus knew something happened. He only allowed himself a few minutes of basking in it, welcoming his magic like a lost friend, like a lost beloved pet. His magic, back inside him, making the core of him as it was supposed to.

But he knew that it didn't return on its own as it had no consciousness and no power to.

So he called Alexander and then sent a fire message and then he couldn't _wait_ , couldn't hope that he didn't get an answer simply because the Shadowhunter was working. Magnus tracked him instead.

He found him and now he can take him home… but nowhere in New York is their home right now. Magnus isn't going to take a newly crippled Nephilim to be seen by the other Nephilim at the Institute. Alec may be out of it and not care right now but he _will_ care soon.

Magnus doesn't think of the others, of Alec's family. It's entirely possible they're tracking him, too, if his parabatai can feel what happened. Magnus doesn't have the patience or the will to wait.

He's tired. Hell, he's so tired. Of demons, of the Clave, of New York.

Sometimes he's tired of all these young, brave people who he cares about _deeply_ but right now he has no strength left to think about.

He just wants to _be_.

 

He takes Alec to a place he's owned for a little less than a hundred years and he kept it because his memories of it were mostly good. Besides, it was beautiful and peaceful. Quiet. Magnus had paid for the house and the land that gave it privacy in the rapidly developing world. He can't exactly remember when he's last visited but it doesn't matter, he knows it's just what he- they- need right now.

 

He lays Alec down on a bed with soft, cream bedding. He clears the blood first and removes the shirt and jacket cut up by what Magnus can only assume were teeth or claws. He's made sure before that there was no open injury on him to threaten his life before he moved them here and now he has the time and the proper space to see what else he can do for his Nephilim.

Patiently, Magnus uses his magic to heal cuts and to fix what he can around the wounds themselves. He's always had the patience for that. He's always had the time to give Alexander to heal what was injured. It gave him comfort to do it, too.

His throat closes when a thought occurs to him how lucky it was that he'd stored away a few black feathers lost by Alexander around the loft on various occasions.

Magnus loved those wings. He loved how grand they were, how purely black they were. Like a moonless night that gives cover. He loved it when they wrapped around them where they were alone, in their own love and comfort.

When he's done, after there's nothing else for him to fix, Magnus sits down on the floor beside the bed. He takes Alec's hand, looks at his too pale skin. He places a kiss on it and then holds that hand, resolving to stay there until Alec wakes.

"If you only waited…" Magnus whispers, heartsick. "If you only waited for me to get better…"

But Alec couldn't and didn't wait after he'd witnessed the extent of Magnus's suffering. Watching him rest, Magnus understands it fully. He doesn't want to wait, either, to see his love recover but will have to do exactly because _this_ is over. It's over, no one will be making any more stupid, grand mistakes for someone they love. Magnus has nowhere to go to beg for Alexander to be made whole again, except the Angels themselves.

This is it. It's them, together still, both alive. Both forever changed by the events in the Shadow World. Magnus will never forget how it'd felt to be without magic and Alexander will never fly again.

They'd already known they loved each other before this – before Magnus gave up his magic and before Alexander gave up his wings. They'd know and the world had known. It was enough that Magnus risked a heartbreak when he pursued a young, scared Shadowhunter. It was enough that Alexander risked his career to be open, to be with Magnus. It was enough for them.

Why couldn't have that been enough for the _world_ , why couldn't they have a little peace to just be?

 

Magnus doesn't know where they'll go from here. Without wings, he isn't sure Alec will even be welcome back at the Institute. Shadowhunters don't lose wings unless it's in battle, in death. And Magnus isn't the High Warlock of Brooklyn anymore…

He'll have to send a message to Isabelle and Jace, let them know Alexander is alive and taken care of, that Magnus wants them to be alone. Then he'll have to tell the truth and together they'll have to figure it out because Alec's heart is with his family, always, and they can't just _leave_.

For now, Magnus is selfish enough to keep them separate from everything, alone, safe. He'll wait until Alexander wakes and then they'll talk.


	2. Chapter 2

Magnus holds Alec's hand, pets his hair and waits. In his sleep, the Shadowhunter curls up a bit, the position making him smaller than he already seems without wings behind his back.

It worries Magnus how cold and pale Alec is. Warlock magic can heal but it can't replace blood and that's what the Shadowhunter needs. Pushing himself up to lean over the edge of the bed, Magnus searches for the stele in Alec's clothes and when he finds it, he puts it between them on the bed to be used later. He also finds Alec's phone and other small items he had in his pockets before he magicks a whole new, clean outfit on him. They're just normal mundane clothes because Alec doesn't need shirts to accommodate wings anymore… Magnus chooses gray just for Alec because this isn't the time to be making wardrobe changes for him.

 

It's two hours before Alec's eyes open. It's obvious that sleep let him forget the reality because he's confused about the bed, about the bright sunny room and about Magnus on the floor beside him, watching him.

"Hello, darling," Magnus says, touching Alec's cheek. "I need you to do something for me, okay? You've lost a lot of blood and I want you to draw a rune for it."

He gets a slow blink in response.

"Um, right."

Alec doesn't move immediately, needing a minute to gather his thoughts. He looks as if Magnus just woke him in the middle of the night and started making complicated requests of him and Magnus wishes it were that simple.

Alec takes the stele from Magnus's hand and on the bare skin of his left forearm, he draws Amissio rune.

They both watch the newly activated rune glow and they both find comfort that they frankly weren't even expecting to feel in the sight. They both see this obvious proof of Alec's angelic blood and it's a relief, especially to the Nephilim. At least this one thing wasn't lost.

Alec drops the stele on the bed.

He's clearly not planning to move so Magnus does move instead. He gets on the bed and Alec uncurls, making room for Magnus to lie close in front of him.

In every shift of Alec's limbs, Magnus can see fear and he understands why it's there. The more Alec moves, the more he'll be aware of his missing limbs, of the lesser weight of his body.

Magnus wraps both his arms around his love. One of his hand goes to the back of Alec's head to touch his hair, the other he places in the middle of his back. He won't be letting go for a long time.

He gives Alec's lips a chaste kiss.

"Thank you," he says.

Alec closes his eyes so Magnus kisses his eyelid and then the other. "Thank you," he says after each kiss.

"I love you, Alexander. Promise me I won't lose you. Promise me you'll stay. After this, you'll just stay with me."

Their foreheads touch. Magnus can't resist the need to touch Alec, to literally hold onto him so he can't go and get hurt again.

"I'll promise that if you will, too," Alec replies.

"Of course. Of course, Angel, that's all I want."

 

They lay together for a long time, both of them not quite aware of the passage of time. It could be an hour, it could be two. Magnus can feel how Alexander slowly becomes warmer and a little more color returns to his face. He keeps holding onto him and when Alec drifts off again, Magnus keeps running his fingers through his hair.

The next time they're both awake, they're both hungry and thirsty. Magnus is already planning what to conjure for their meal while he watches over Alexander when he's sitting up and then puts his feet on the floor.

He's not sure of his own body, forced to adjust his movements constantly. His balance and his weight are all wrong and he's essentially a mundane with angel blood.

They don't talk about it yet.

"Would you like me to show you where the bathroom is?" Magnus asks but Alec shakes his head. He doesn't need to use a bathroom yet and he's going to avoid any spaces with mirrors for as long as he possibly can.

"How about the dining room and the kitchen, then? It's a truly beautiful, antique room. I've kept it that way but it's also fully functional."

"Okay."

Magnus takes Alec by the hand to lead him.

"I'm not the first owner of this home." He begins telling the Shadowhunter about it. "It was built in the late 1800s and I bought it, oh, when was it, after 1928?"

"We have a reading room, here," he says, pushing open half-wooden, half-glass doors into a rather small but cozy room with a sofa, armchairs and a cupboard with books.

"We have a piano room, admittedly without the piano because I'd gifted it to an old friend who could play it, unlike myself..."

Alec pauses to look at the paintings.

"That's Monet, darling." Magnus offers information on them. "And here, there is the dining room and behind that door is the kitchen."

The dining room is large, made to fit a party of distinguished guests. It's bright with yellow accents, the shade of spring flowers. Magnus walks on until they're in the kitchen. It opens into a garden behind the house, giving whoever is using it the freedom to breathe fresh air and look at the flowers when it's the season for them.

There's a small table to eat at and it's definitely better suited for two people than the grand dining room which would be too empty for them.

"Please sit down, I'll show you the garden after we've eaten."

Alec is quiet but he curiously looks around every room and now, sitting down as told, he takes in the details of a kitchen for which time stopped in the late nineteenth century.

A glass of water appears in front of him and another for Magnus. Then the dinner appears as well under blue misty magic.

Two kinds of meat, small round potatoes and tomatoes, Mediterranean salad with dressing. Magnus calls the silver cutlery from the drawers to the table.

Despite being sick with loss, physical and mental, Alec does have some appetite. His body needs food but there's also another aspect of the dinner that makes him more interested in it.

The last time they were supposed to have a meal together it was on the balcony the night he wanted to propose.

Today, they're both in a different place but they're exactly where Alec wanted them to be after he'd gone to Edom himself. Magnus has magic, Alec is alive to be with him. Magnus isn't forced to fix their mistakes anymore. They're still together and maybe one day Alec will get to take the ring and try again.

He has no idea where they are, except Europe, and for the time being the details don't matter. He wants to have this. Just this. Nothing in the world except them. He wants to enjoy his decision before he has to face the consequences that go beyond Magnus's well-being.

The Institute. The Clave.

He eats more of the salad and then asks Magnus to conjure him some juice, which Magnus happily does.

 

Magnus hates himself for it but he knows, he feels it in his heart and his bones, that this is right – he's feeling like  _himself_  when he can take care of Alexander, when he can be the one with the magic, the one with the power to protect, to defend, to provide for those he loves.

He was miserable without that ability and yes, it was bad. It would have taken him a long time to  _deal_  with it and, gods, he still can't bear the thought that Alexander's wings are lost for it but he's grateful. He'd thanked Alexander for it and he will make sure his gratitude is known to the Shadowhunter for days to come.

He watches Alec eat and grows a little less worried for him.

 

Later, they go out to a large terrace that overlooks the garden. The house is placed on top of a mild slope so some of the grounds are below it. The terrace can be walked out to from the dining room and from the piano room. The master bedroom has its own fenced rose garden attached and then in front of the house where carriages used to wait there are wide lawns and more roses planted between evenly spaced trees.

Alec walks to the stone railing of the terrace and looks at all the trees and decorative bushes. There's a decently sized fountain hidden between them and birds drink from the water it provides.

Magnus isn't crowding him anymore, he's watchful but now he's also respectful of Alec's space if he needs it. He's as beautiful as ever and wherever they go, Magnus has eyes only for him. With the background of trees and the marble-like stone they're standing on, he's different. He's a different vision from the Head of the Institute, a Shadowhunter, a warrior. He's a man among nature, just a man admiring a garden in an old house.

Magnus had longed for a day like this. They'd made time for each other but those were dates that they planned – or mostly planned – and were filled with restaurant dinners and walks and sometimes gallery visits. Now, for a few minutes, they have no plan to follow.

Only when Magnus sees a change in Alec's body language does he come a little closer. Alec glances at him and Magnus can see that there is, indeed, something new on his mind. His fingers are closed on the edge of the railing.

Magnus puts his hand on Alec's and then hesitates briefly before speaking.

"Please don't hide your thoughts from me- not, just not today, please. I- have made a mistake, these past days. I had not been honest with you because I didn't want to be a burden on you and because I was ashamed- and afraid of the future. There was more to it... Anyway, it was a mistake. We're not very lucky when we hide things from each other, are we?" Magnus smiles, self-deprecating.

Alec nods jerkily. He takes a breath.

"I'm just- I was just thinking we could be in a place  _just like this_  for our honeymoon."

Magnus blinks.

Alec looks at his hands and resists the urge to flex his fingers nervously now that Magnus's hand is on his.

"I was so focused on what I wanted," Alec continues, "I'd thought by this time we'd be, maybe, planning… planning a wedding. I know there's still so much to do, with Jonathan threatening Clary and Jace but-"

Magnus keeps staring at him because he's still not understanding…

"Did you... want to propose? To me?"

"Yeah. Of course I did. Magnus, could you not guess I'd want to? After everything?"

After he'd asked to move in, twice. After he'd told Magnus there was no way he'd be anything less than a perfect father, considering the way he's cared for Downworlders or Clary. After Alec said he didn't know if he could even live without him. That moment, when he'd said that, it feels as if that happened ages ago.

 

Magnus is staring at him. He's thinking back to when Alexander could have possibly been wanting to do it- and it's obvious. It's so obvious.

He'd waited, dinner and all those roses set up for the evening. Set up for the one thing.

All of Magnus is frozen, stuck on the realization.

And he thinks, he couldn't have accepted it then. He'd been at his lowest and it would have been the last thing he had the strength to process emotionally... but he should have at least not ruined the evening. He'd gotten drunk over a gray hair and yes, it was only the last  _straw_ , not the sole reason, but he's even more ashamed of himself now. He failed to hold himself together and he sent Alec looking for a solution.

Did Alec... have a ring for Magnus? Is there an item out there meant to be the proposal token for Magnus? And look at them today: instead of giving the token or the ring to him, Alec has given his wings.

Their lives have been changing so fast since they met. So fast and so drastically, for good and for bad that even Magnus, whose whole warlock life is watching changes, has trouble keeping up. This one Shadowhunter is sending his head and heart spinning and Magnus can't fathom letting him go.

While Magnus is shocked silent, Alec leans on the railing, looking at the garden and at his hands. Anywhere but Magnus. He's waiting for an answer for a proposal he never got to say out loud except to his family.

"Do you have a ring for me?" Magnus asks.

"Yes. What else would I use?"

"I want to see it," Magnus says decisively. Butterflies take residence in his belly.

"It's in my office," Alec tells him like it's a thing of small importance. The warlock nods decisively.

"All right. In that case, let's talk about taking you back to the Institute. After that, when we go home, let's talk about us."

"What is there to talk about? I mean, about the Institute. I'm ready to free the position for someone better suited."

Magnus is not surprised by that claim. He's not going to pretend it's not going to be everyone's first thought when they learn of what Alexander did.

" _Wings_ are not a requirement for the position. They're a requirement for battle. In fact, I'd thought about it often that you spend too much running around the city yourself instead of _leading_."

Alec can't stop himself from rolling his eyes and it helps him ignore the pang at Magnus saying out loud he won't be able to fight effectively anymore.

"I've heard that already. From my mother."

"Well. You know better than anyone how my  _relations_  with Maryse Lightwood changed recently. Because of that, I will only say that she's a wise woman."

He's said that before. Alec heard that before, lying with a broken wing in an alley.

Magnus continues: "I've thought about this while you were sleeping, Alexander. We can't afford to lose you. Downworld can't afford to lose the Head of the Institute that _you_ make. We'll take care of ourselves, sure, we'll be looking out for ourselves but without a friendly influence within the local Shadowhunter world... things will only get worse again and drop to tolerating each other instead of cooperating."

Alec frowns.

"I've found lately I'm not the only one who cares for the whole Shadow World."

"Of course, you're not the only one. But you're the only one who had the means to step up and use your position for good."

"Sometimes it worked. The rest of the time it was a mistake after a mistake."

"I know it may seem like it now. I know I made you feel some of those mistakes more than others because I was angry or hurt… but I'd never _hold_ them against you. You're so young still, Angel. There's no school for being a good leader. The Clave would like to believe they have all the answers, just follow the Law and be obedient. But you're doing the right thing: you're _learning_ and you're determined, and you're thinking for yourself."

Magnus smiles at his thoughts.

"And you have the power to _infuriate_ me because you're a stubborn, sometimes foolish Shadowhunter but all that… I want to have all that because it's all a part of _you_."

Alec's listening even if his expression says he's not sure what he's supposed to do with Magnus's words. He's unconvinced that this idea that he should stay at the Institute is even worth entertaining.

"Even if I wasn't voted out of my position," Magnus is saying, "I couldn't be the High Warlock without magic. That would be impossible and against common sense. It's not the same for you. You still have your blood and your training and your knowledge of the law and everything that makes an Institute run.

I'm _happy_ to have my magic back. I'm happy to have _you_ back, alive. But I will never be happy with being the cause of you losing your wings and I've just decided I will do everything to not let you give your Shadowhunter life up for me too."

Alec sighs.

"Even if I wanted to keep my position, it won't be just up to me."

Hearing him say it, Magnus knows he's won at least this small battle.

"We'll have to convince everyone else that I'm right, then," he says lightly.

At that, Alec smiles. Finally, Magnus sees an actual smile from him and it's better than the Sun they're standing under.

"Okay," Alec says.

"You agree to the plan?"

"Yeah. If you let me see your eyes first."

Magnus drops the glamor easily. It's become so, so easy to do it with Alexander who looks at him with that soft wonder that goes right through Magnus's heart.

"I did miss them," Alec says honestly. "I would have hated to never be able to see them again."

The next breath Magnus takes is painful.

"It's not fair. It's not fair, darling, to make _me_ unable to see your wings."

 


	3. Chapter 3

After their talk, Alec sleeps some more while Magnus can't help but watch over him even though they're perfectly safe where they are. The Nephilim is technically healed but he's not _right_ and he might not be for a while longer.

Magnus runs his fingers through his hair and thinks about the ring meant for him but never given to him.

This is the one, Magnus thinks. The one for him. His self-sacrificing Angel with the whole world's weight on his shoulders.

They'll have to do better looking after each other from now on. They'd thought they were doing it but… or maybe they really were, but without talking about it first, the outcome cut worse.

 

They go back home.

They go back to the Institute, Magnus always at Alec's side while the Shadowhunter has to face his own people again, not knowing what their reaction to him will be.

Magnus opens a portal into Alec's room so they can avoid walking right through the main entrance where everyone could see them before Alec was ready. Leaving him there, Magnus alone goes to get Isabelle and Jace. Magnus has notified Alexander's family that they'd be coming back and they were waiting, worried and impatient to see him.

He warns them first. He manages to say the truth though it pains him to say it out loud. They only blink and that's a fair reaction. If he'd heard it and not seen it, he'd have done the same. That is, stood in silence, not believing what he's hearing.

He tells them where Alec is and they rush to get there. Magnus lets them. He follows but at a slower pace because… because he doesn't really want to see their reaction because of his own guilt.

Neither Izzy nor Jace think about blaming him because they're stuck processing the _facts_ and they're not getting to the _whys_ yet. They're not even paying attention to Magnus, instead asking Alec questions, asking if he's okay, if they can do anything.

They can't.

 

The rest of the Institute has to know. Jace calls the meeting and when everyone's present, Alec comes out of his room with Izzy and Magnus as his support. They're like two pillars for him, with Jace the third, and he can only come out with the truth of his loss when he has them near.

There's a whole range to reactions to his state when the Shadowhunters see him. An absolute surprise is the most prevalent and to be expected. The Shadowhunters closest to Alec are looking a little pale. Underhill, wide-eyed, looks between Alec and Magnus, and he must be making his own guesses.

 

Alec stands, torn between _no_ regrets in helping Magnus and the shame at being now an inadequate Nephilim. It makes him sick inside.

He talks. He doesn't waste words when they all can see what's the main issue and so he explains just why the Head of the Institute no longer possesses wings. He explains, while uncertainty tries to close his throat, that he's given them up, let them be taken for the sake of Magnus Bane.

That brings even more reactions out of the other Nephilim.

"I will accept your decision if you choose to have someone else replace me. I won't be able to actively lead in the field anymore. It is the truth that I'm grounded. That, however, doesn't affect everything else. I can do my job in here as well as I'd done it before."

He talks a little more about the most recent events in the Shadow World, realizing there are issues he should have addressed sooner. There are some things still that need to be mentioned, the things he did not have the time to change yet.

They're listening but he can't be sure if they're willing to let him continue as the Head. He doesn't know, he can't read their minds. He can't even really read their faces because most of them are still processing the news and they're still listening to what he's saying.

When he's done, Jace immediately takes his turn.

"Magnus Bane was the one who'd helped me when I was possessed," he's saying to the Shadowhunters. "He'd given up his magic so he could save my life, so I didn't have to be stopped in another way. Right now, Alec repaid him and returned his magic. I can't pretend like it's not the right thing to do." He pauses. "Be honest, if Alec had given his wings directly to help me, you wouldn't have batted an eyelid."

There are a few automatic nods.

"Our brother is still the same man, wings or no wings. He's only ever looked out for everyone else, the whole Institute, his family and his people – all of you. If you don't like _this_ , it's only because of who he's done it for: a warlock. How many of you have partners right now? Do you love them? Wouldn't you be willing to give up your wings for them if they needed it? I would have, for Clary. And for Alec. For Isabelle. So if you have any other reason to not accept Alec's sacrifice as right, please say it. If you resent that he did it for a Downworlder, you better not say it."

Isabelle steps forward when Jace is done.

"Magnus may not be the High Warlock at the moment but he's still the one this Institute has counted on before. He's helped us time and time again demanding no payment and I know he'll be willing to do it again in the future, while I'm not at all certain the same can be said about the _official_ High Warlock. It was our business to have his magic returned because we've benefitted from it so much.

We can't go on separating ourselves from the Downworld. We've already faced two threats in a short time that Shadowhunters alone couldn't win against, not without losing a great number of us. We have to learn to depend on help- on _cooperation_ , so that we can keep ourselves safer, too."

Magnus is and isn't surprised by her heartfelt words. Isabelle has been the one open to Downworld before Alexander was. The other Shadowhunters are shifting where they stand, exchanging glances. They're not exactly protesting.

"We've done so much so far because we had to," she continues, "or by accident – we've worked with everyone: werewolves, vampires, Seelies, and while we'd be foolish to just trust anyone, we need to keep working on what we have at this point. That means keeping up the Downworld Cabinet that Alec has created and worked on. We've got a chance to really move forward from this, instead of falling behind the times again."

Alec's left a little speechless, not having expected so much. He, too, is not surprised this is coming from Izzy but he just wasn't expecting it at this meeting. He's glad, though.

 

Alec remains as the Head of the Institute.

 

When his mother finds out the truth soon, she pulls him into her arms and doesn't let go for a long time.

 

Alec goes through a surgery to remove the last of his bones that used to be part of his wings and that still stuck out of his back even after the demons have torn them off close to his skin. Magnus replaces all of his shirts, tops and t-shirts, all his jackets and dress jackets so that he doesn't have to accidentally come across one. Alec doesn't say anything about it except to bring out several items to Magnus to categorically say he would not wear sheer garments anywhere, not even Pandemonium.

They go back to their life – the life of Alec and Magnus, together. They'd been torn apart for days, not even a week, and yet Magnus prefers not to remember anything of that time. He'd been stupid not to see right through Alec, hear the lie from his lips. He'd known at the time it was all wrong. In his soul, he'd known but he'd been so hurt by his loss he had no strength to fight it. He'd folded even though everything that Alec said to him went against everything that Alec was.

Alec still avoids mirrors, Magnus knows that.

And later, when they find themselves heading towards more intimate things, he stops himself when the warlock's hands slip under his shirt and then try to undo his lower buttons…

It breaks Magnus's heart to see Alec retreat from what should be nothing but a pleasant thing. It has always been so good between them and yes, Magnus remembers the way he'd tried to hide his own eyes but back then Alexander's sweet words had pulled him back in.

It doesn't work the other way. Magnus can't pull Alexander back from this.

 

Alec goes back to him eventually, sits down beside Magnus on their sofa. They sit close. Magnus puts his arm around his Shadowhunter, keeping him even closer. His fingers draw patterns on Alec's shoulder.

They watch the tv for a long time.

It's all right. They'll get through this so long as they're together and in love, and Magnus can't see the end of this. They already got through the worst and while it will probably remain in scars on both of them, it will make them stronger, and wiser, in the future.

 

Working in the Institute isn't easy, either.

It takes time for everyone to get used to a wingless Shadowhunter. He's aware of the looks and he doesn't blame the others for it. He knows he would have reacted the same in their place.

He throws himself into work. He reminds himself that Jace is fine and that Magnus is fine.

 

Magnus asks him for the ring. They're in the office, sitting just like they have before, two armchairs beside each other. They talk about many things between them.

"I know I haven't pushed you away but I have lied to you. I want to do better than that. Just like you, I… have bad habits. I've learned to protect myself, you know that. And I know you protect yourself. I don't expect either of us to change right away but as we've been proven time and again, there's room for improvement." He finishes, smiling at Alec.

Alec takes the metal box out and then takes the ring out. When he puts it on Magnus's finger he doesn't speak of marriage, he says "It's a promise," instead.

 


End file.
